Archive for February, 2011

This is MY moment.

The Awakening
By Virginia Marie Swift

A time comes in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!
 
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
 
This is your awakening…
 
You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
 
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
 
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
 
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
 
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
 
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.
 
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
 
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
 
You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
 
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
 
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
 
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.
 
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”
 
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
 
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
 
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.
 
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.
 
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
 
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
 
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it’s just life happening.
 
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
 
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
 
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

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It hurts to type.

Guess who is making a post on their blog for the second day in a row! That’s right. This girl right here. I would point to myself with my thumbs as I said that but I’m too sore. That’s right, my thumbs are sore. Along with my shoulders, biceps, triceps, hamstrings, and even my booty.

I am sure you recall my last post. You know? The one bragging about how I was able to return to the gym.Well that excitement was definitely apparent in class yesterday. I have muscles hurting in places I didn’t even know muscles existed. For example, my chin hurts. I’m pretty positive that’s a result from having terrible form during the 100 crunches we did. (The first step is admitting you have a problem:I, Allison, have terrible crunch posture)That’s besides the point though. The fact of the matter is that I have muscles in my CHIN hurting.Really? Is that possible. Either way, It was totally worth it and I am feeling like a million bucks today.I wish you could have experienced my excitement with me. I felt like I was Richard Simmons in a clip from “Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies”. Minus the kinda stylish awful short shorts and the afrotastic hair of course.I imagine I looked similar to this:

1&2&Jazz Hands!

So as you can tell from the tone in my voice style in my writing? class was a huge success! You will not believe what I will be doing tonight. I’ll give you a hint it starts with a ‘B’ and rhymes with HodySombat. Guessed it yet? Okay. Okay. I’ll tell you. BODYCOMBAT. AHH! I am literally dancing in my chair with happiness. I have missed that class so much.I love it and it definitely kicks my butt into gear (pun intended)  It has been 2 months since I have been able to attend and let’s just say I have my game face on. I am ready to knock some hatas out!

I AM IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! 🙂

Bring it on

xoxo-Allison

oh and one more thing…make it a point today to tell someone they are beautiful. You never know just how bad they may need to hear it.

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Slacky McSlacker Pants.

I am not even going to explain myself or share the lame excuses I have created about why I have not been on here making posts.Because..well..honestly I don’t really have a valid reason…hence the title.We’re still cool though right? Great 🙂

I promise that even though I havent been posting results about my weigh-ins…I am still weighing in and losing. I will admit it has slowed down a bit,but im okay with that. As long as those numbers do not go up, I will continue wearing my perma smile and doing my happy dance!

Speaking of my happy dance, I am able to shake my groove thing to the maximum. Yup, you guessed it.My broken foot is a thing of the past. I am no longer wearing the cast a.k.a. frankenboot a.k.a cast-o’-evil. Whatever the name may be, I am just glad it is off my foot. I am returning to the gym at 100% this week.I have not been able to do cardio classes in nearly 2 months! Tonight I am starting with Sh’Bam(my favorite dance class) at 6:30 and BodyPump @7:30. I cannot contain my excitement. Oh how I’ve missed the smell of sweaty bodies combined with over used gym equipment (I cannot believe I just outwardly admitted that, but yes, it’s true I have missed it) Gross, I know.

Speaking of road trips (I know we weren’t actually speaking about road trips or anything relatively similar, but I had to change subjects fast to avoid the awkwardness of my “love for smelly gyms” confession) Okay, so this weekend my friends and I are making a road trip to…dun dah duh don..the big apple 🙂 I am so SO excited. I love New York. Although I have only been there once, I consider it to be my paradise. Call me crazy, but something about the smell of pollution, the sight of rats, and the hustle and bustle of that city sends me into a “OMG this is the city that never sleeps” freenzie.I find myself quoting movies filmed there.Along with the occasional outburst of songs being sung ,by moi, through the streets. Which include but are not limited to..”Theres no business like SHOW business”  or my personal favorite “Start spreading the news. I’m leaving today.I want to be a part of it…NEW YORK NEW YORK!”.Yes, I do have dance routine to each. Yes, I will perform them without shame in the middle of time square. No, I have not gone crazy.Yes, I will post pictures! I cannot wait!

Well, ’tis all for now. I will post more before my trip this weekend.Wish me luck at the gym tonight 🙂 YAYYY!

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Go as far as you can and when you get there…go farther.

Ehh. Sorry that I have not made a post since January 20th. How embarrassing. I do have a valid excuse. My life has been chaos. Especially the past few days.The past two days,specifically, have been a little bumpy for me. I couldn’t help but spin into a “why me?” type of attitude. I have looked at everything that has happened. I have over analyzed and made the conclusion that I had done something wrong to cause all of this madness.

Then I stopped.

That’s not me any more. That’s the old Allison. The one who thought that bad things only happen to bad people. The one who believed that all of these struggles would not have happened if I had done something different. The old Allison believed that she was the reason that things never turned out right.

Not Anymore.That’s not me.

The new Allison picks herself up even if its hard to stand. The new Allison realizes that bad things happen to even the best of people. I am now the girl who believes that even if I had done every thing “right” things still could go wrong. The girl who believes that she will never perfect because perfect, well, that  just doesn’t exist.

I am so grateful that the old Allison is gone and I am welcoming the new Me with open arms.During the day today, I keep hearing lyrics to my favorite song playing in my head, and I want to share them in case any of you are singin’ the blues as well:

When you can feel your
Whole body’s aching
What’s left of your heart
It won’t stop breaking
You gotta let go
You took a hit
Time to pick up now
Move on from this…
Lift yourself up above all the hurt
Don’t give in
Wipe your eyes and remember
You’re better than this
Let them know
That they took their best shot
And missed
C’mon and lift
Cause I know how hard it can get
But you gotta lift
You gotta lift
And sometimes that’s how it is
But I know you’re stronger
Stronger than this
You gotta LIFT!

Thank you Shannon Noll (the singer of this amazing song) for having the perfect words to say when I can not seem to think of my own. I am feeling empowered. I am overwhelmed but unshakeable. I feel like I am breaking down but know that I am whole. I feel like quitting but remain UNSTOPPABLE. I am happy to feel this way. It reminds me that I am human.It reminds me that I have grown. It reminds me that I am strong. It reminds me that no matter how many adversities I am faced with that if I have the will to overcome them..I will succeed. It’s a new day.

BRING IT ON 🙂

xoxo-Allison

oh and one more quote I’d like to share:There’s one lesson you need to learn in life. People are always going to hurt you. That’s not the lesson. The lesson is that the people betraying you are the ones with the problem not you. You are the victim not the culprit. Find it in yourself to get up and move on. When you’ve learned this…you’ve learned everything. 

okay I lied.Last one: When you begin to realize your physical strength. You realize that you are strong enough to overcome any setback, failure, or loss and grow from it.-Jillian Michaels.

Ugh…okay I couldn’t help myself.Last thing before I leave. Promise! Guess who will be returning to the gym tonight.That’s right. This girl right here. Goodbye cast.Hello ankle brace.Of course, I will be starting off a little slow. So no body combat yet. I am hoping to return to that next week. fingers crossed 😦 But,I will be back in class doing weights. WOOHOO. Oh lord, I am so excited! Okay…tis all 😉 adios!

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